I’ve had 4 babies. With every baby, I gain “a little” weight, a few extra stretch marks, and let me just tell you things are getting saggier and wrinklier with every passing day (if you get my drift). Am I self-concious? You bet I am. I have a hard time finding clothes that fit just right- well, maybe they cover my body alright, but they don’t look like they do on the cute 21 year old model.
Even when I leave the house feeling good about myself, I’ll catch a glimpse in a mirror or see a photo someone’s taken of me, and let me tell you, it’s never really great, honestly. The other day, I went to church with my family like we do every Sunday. I left the house looking great! I found a skirt that I loved (it’s on sale here) and I even wore my sassy high-heal booties! I felt good! While I was walking home from church with my 9-year old son, my husband snapped an adorable photo. I was SO happy. I felt happy to be with my husband and babies. I was excited that the sun was shining and we were healthy and happy. I just knew I was going to love the picture and cherish that special moment forever…. Until I saw the photo. My heart sunk and I felt like the moment we just shared was ruined. I couldn’t believe that I had spoiled that great moment I shared with my family- all because I will never be a size 2.
Looking at the picture, all I could see was my love handles, the extra chub in my arms, and my non-existent waistline. I felt terrible about myself and I just knew that everyone who saw this photo would think the same thing. But then I looked at my son, my sweet 9 year old boy. His face was lit-up! He wasn’t paying attention to my body. He was looking at ME- his mom! He doesn’t care if I’m a size 2 or 22. He cares that I’m there, holding his hand, and loving him. He cares that when he looks at me, I’m looking back at him and loving him. Satan told me a lie– that I wasn’t good enough!
In that moment, I realized how many moments I have sat on the sidelines, or hid behind the camera, because I was so worried about ME and the way I looked. I feel ashamed of myself for being so self-consumed and so distracted by size and weight. And hello, after I took a minute to stop throwing a pity party, I realized that I look smoking hot in that picture, am I right?
As I looked at the face of my sweet boy, looking at me, something in my brain FLIPPED! I decided I am done worrying about size! Yes, I will do my best to be healthy, stay fit, and be strong. But I will not sacrifice the happiness of my family or miss out on another special moment because I’m worried about the way I look. If I have 10 pounds (or 30) of baby weight I’ve never been able to lose, I’ll be grateful that I have had 4 beautiful, healthy babies to show for it. When I look in the mirror, or see myself in photos, I’m going to remember the way my little boy looks at me, and I’m going to try to look at myself with the same love. Life is too short to waste hiding in a corner. From now on, I’m going to put on that smoking hot skirt and I’m going to flaunt what I got!
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